ambedo n. a kind of melancholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory details—raindrops skittering down a window, tall trees leaning in the wind, clouds of cream swirling in your coffee—which leads to a dawning awareness of the haunting fragility of life
I have been looking for universes in my coffee a lot recently. Looking long and hard at the other people on the train. Staring through pedestrians up to and sometimes past the point of crossing past. Its not overly acceptable, but its necessary, nourishing.
There are so many people and each one is interesting, so many things to look at. The world is so large and world-y. How can anyone be bored at any time. I am thankful for more curiosity.
[pretension not redacted]
Things that compliment each other (WIP):
'You just have to think of the first thing that comes into your head then say it out loud and see what happens' - Vanessa, on how to talk to people.
'You've got weirder recently I think.' - Neil, on my steady decomposition.
'who cares this is a tune comin' in' - Mike Skinner, Blinded By The Lights
Inspired by this great site, my reading list, aged 22 (feeling it) and thoroughly under
fucked/read. 10 books, not the best ones but ones I feel a attachment to, and feel feelings of happiness when others read them and feel similarly aligned.
#053 The Terrorizers (1986, Edward Yang)
'The bombs we plant in each other are ticking away.'
Every frame of this could be printed and hung. Just the most meticulously composed, exquisitely framed images.
Films with intertwining narratives are usually irritating and contrived, reaching for connections and drawing false parallels in the process. This doesn’t reach, it extends. Lines connect the characters in Yang’s new Taiwan (often causally), but he’s happy to let the lines cross and drop off, if it becomes natural for them to do so. Or else, the ties are formal - created by cross-cutting between the stories at opportune moments, or having narrative arcs develop in parallel. By the end, the streams have well and truly crossed, but not in the coincidence-laid-on-coincidence manner this sort of film usually relies upon.
The flow is astounding. Events are presented equally, and without narrative bias. Like in Yi Yi, small and inconsequential moments are presented with as much focus and attention as the grander strokes. Because of this neutrality of presentation, they often resontate as strongly. Yang creates humans who live and breathe on screen.
Like Yi Yi, this creeps up. That film found a register and sat with it, and through 3 hours of careful nuance ended up winding into what could be the best film of the decade. This isn’t quite so good, but it is still stunning. There is something about these films that just works, everything lands.
Two for two with Yang. A Brighter Summer Day can’t come sooner.
I was googling “a brighter summer day” + year + london as i do every few months and I stumbled on this.
I knew BFI was doing a cultural exchange programme with our overlords in the east, but I didn’t know that that season was happening.
June to Oct lineup is out of this world exciting.
CD: You seem to eat an insane amount of fruit, compared to every person I know.
TL: I honestly feel like, based on experience, my own experiences, and also from reading a lot, and trying different things, one of the only ways maybe the only way I’ve been able to feel a significant long term increase in my energy levels, a resistance to any sickness, no cold sores, no skin blemishes, etc. is by eating a diet of only raw fruits and greens. I never get sick now. My skin never has blemishes. “Zits” are like completely nonexistent to a degree that I’ve forgotten they exist, and I don’t feel tired for no reason. and I think on average I need 2-3 hours less sleep.
The law of odds (may not be a law) tells me that at some point I’ll screw up in a major, major way. Leave the cooker on and burn the house down major. Lose the kid in the park major. Fall asleep at the wheel career into a ravine major.
The sheer, unbalanced volume of innocuous fuckups tells me this. I don’t fret the small ones at all. I generally find a counterbalance. What is concerning is the realisation I that could kill someone I love out of absent mindedness. A mental thought.
I’m not sure how you proceed when you’ve accidentally just killed your own mother. Keep on keeping on.
1. _______ I prefer one-on-one conversations to group activities.
2. _______ I often prefer to express myself in writing.
3. _______ I enjoy solitude.
4. _______ I seem to care less than my peers about wealth, fame,
5. _______ I dislike small talk, but I en- joy talking in depth about
topics that matter to me.
6. _______ People tell me that I’m a good listener.
7. _______ I’m not a big risk-taker.
8. _______ I enjoy work that allows me to “dive in” with few
9. _______ I like to celebrate birthdays on a small scale, with only one or two close friends or family members.
10. _______ People describe me as “soft- spoken” or “mellow.”
11. _______ I prefer not to show or dis- cuss my work with others
until it’s finished.
12. _______ I dislike conflict.
13. _______ I do my best work on my own.
14. _______ I tend to think before I speak.
15. _______ I feel drained after being out and about, even if I’ve enjoyed myself.
16. _______ I often let calls go through to voice mail.
17. _______ If I had to choose, I’d prefer a weekend with absolutely nothing to do to one with too many things scheduled.
18. _______ I don’t enjoy multitasking.
19. _______ I can concentrate easily.
20. _______ In classroom situations, I prefer lectures to seminars.
Reading a book on introversion.
If you don’t love Jesus out loud, then it must not be love.
I have a small collection of epub books saved in iBooks. They are all from the ‘alt lit’ genre, and all feature a stream of consciousness style of prose and self-aware autobiographical-confessional protagonists. They are aIl very hip, very detached and well representative of a certain personality type specific to a certain generation. It isn’t one I hold, but aspects of it are relatable. The style is affectless in the extreme. Tao Lin’s books feature a the term ‘neutral face expression’ which I enjoy a lot.
I like these books a lot but feel ashamed of this so convince myself I only like them the acceptable amount. Objectively, they are ‘not very good’ but they are very relatable and easy to read and gain satisfaction from.
I don’t know why I steal these books, but buy all the other books. Its partially because this style of writing started came from the internet and is quick and easy to digest on screens. They come from the generation of rampant, guiltless piracy so it almost seems fair to steal their work. Its not of course. These authors are probably the ones who need my monetary support the most. Piracy is very easy, and when (like in this case) it is not so easy its even more appealing. Digging around suspect corners of the internet to find well buried rapidshare links is like panning for fools gold.
Tai Pei is the best one - I would even stretch as far as to recommend it. Here is a ridiculous 5000 word interview with Tao Lin, and even more ridiculous, an essay comparing the detached sentiments of Drake’s last album to Tao Lin’s affectless style of prose.
How much of enjoying things is about relating to them?
For me it is a large part of the experience. Reading books is mostly about going through hoping to find sentences that connect. I like the order of words, or satisfying individual words or strings of words, as well as the meanings of the whole sentence. Plots are less important.
With films, I don’t need to relate to the characters, or be engaged with the plot necessarily, just see images that are aesthetically appealing or meaningful emotionally. I’m not sure if this means I’m better at engaging with films, Experience is pretty subjective I suppose.
This post doesn’t have much point or purpose. Often I think if I start with a topic of interest to me and hit rhythmically at the keynoad I will reach some final truth by thinking about it in words. Not always. Often it is easier to let someone else get there and relate. Here is Megan Boyle from the internet: